Hugs or Handshakes?

Meeting new people from other countries is exciting, but it can also be very challenging since different cultures have different customs. Handshakes are usually appropriate in China, whether meeting a person for the very first time or the fiftieth time. If you know the person very well. you could also add a pat on the back. In China, unlike the U.S., most people are not used to hugs since hugging is not part of the custom. Also, regardless of their age, parents and children or friends of the same sex, especially women, often hold hands in public. Except for fathers and sons, men don't usually hold hands but might put their arms across each other's shoulders as they walk.

If you're American, you'll probably feel very awkward if a Chinese friend of the same sex tries to hold your hand when you are walking together. What should you do? You either can "do as the Romans do" or kindly tell your friend that you aren't comfortable doing this. I find it notable that now, after living in the States for 20 years, I don't feel as comfortable holding hands with my Chinese friends when I visit China as I used to.

As a native Chinese, I've gotten used to greeting friends and relatives with a hug, and now I enjoy the custom very much. Everyone's preference is different, and over time we all tend to assimilate into the new culture, each of us at our own pace. Some of my Chinese friends who have lived in the States for many years are still not used to hugs and may never be. Consequently, awkward situations have occasionally occurred when I've invited friends over for dinner. To prevent problems, I've simply explained to my husband's family that some of my Chinese friends aren't used to hugging. I've found that communication and accepting each other's cultures and customs are generally the keys to preventing potentially uncomfortable situations.

When you're visiting Chinese friends, to be on the safe side, always shake hands unless you know that hugging is a better alternative. The other person's body language can help you make the right choice in most situations. You'll always get a handshake if you extend a hand towards the person you're meeting.

In addition to shaking hands, some older Chinese like to bow slightly when meeting someone for the first time. You should respond similarly. As in all cultures, customs in China change over time. Bowing isn't currently as common as it was fifty or sixty years ago. And as more and more younger people are exposed to Western culture, they start to learn different customs and accept them. For example, twenty years ago, Chinese couples didn't usually hold hands in public, but now it's natural for young people to hold hands when walking down the street.

When you first meet someone, an easy and universally understood gesture is to offer a friendly smile. Learning a few words in the other person's native language can also help get things off to a good start. Over time, we'll introduce some simple Chinese/English phrases to help you make this gesture of friendship. Until then...

Zaijian! ("Tsai jien"! ) Bye for now!

Ming

相见其他国家的人是令人振奋的，但也可以非常具有挑战性，因为不同的文化有不同的习俗。握手，通常在中国是很正常，无论是第一次与人相见还是相见 了很多次。如果互相之间很熟， 您也可以拍一下对方的肩膀。在中国，不像美国，大多数人不习惯拥抱，因为拥抱不是中国的习俗。此外，不论年龄， 父母与子女之间或同一性别的朋友之间，尤其是女性之间，往往在公共场所谗着手。除了父亲和儿子，男人通常不谗手，但有可能互相搭肩共行。

如果您是美国人，一个中国的同性朋友要搀着您的手， 您可能会觉得很尴尬。您应该怎么办呢？您可以“入乡随属”或好心的告诉您的朋友，您不习惯这样做。我发现在美国生活了近20年后，在我回国的时 候，我也不习 惯与我的中国朋友搀手了。

作 为一个本土的中国人，我已经习惯用拥抱来问候的朋友和亲戚，我很喜欢拥抱的习俗。每个人的偏好是不同的， 随着时间的推移，我们每个人都安照自己的进度来吸收新的文化。我的一些中国朋友在美国住了狠多年，还不习惯拥抱，有可能永远也不会习惯。因此，在我邀请朋 友吃饭的时候，尴 尬的情况也会偶尔发生。以访尴尬，我给我丈夫的家人做些简解， 因为我的一些中国朋友不习惯拥抱。我发现沟通和接受对方的文化和 习俗是防止尴 尬情况的最好的办法。

当您访问中国朋友的时候，握手是最好的礼节，除非你知道对方更喜欢拥抱。在大多数情况下，人们的表 情可以帮您做出准确的选择。在您相见人的时候， 如果您伸出手，您总会得到一个握手。

除了握手，一些老年的中国人相见时喜欢鞠躬。你应该也鞠躬回应。象所有其它的文化，中国的习俗也在随时间而改变。鞠躬不象50或60年前那么普遍了。随着越来越多的年轻的人有机会接触西方文化，他们也开始学习和接受不同的习属。举例来说，二十年前，中国的夫妇，很少在公共场所搀手，但现在的年青人搀手在街上走是十分正常的。

当您第一次和生人见面，一个友好的微笑是最容易和互相理解的见面方试。学几句对方的本土语言，可以帮助您打开一个良好的开端。随着时间的推移，我们将介绍一些简单的中文/英文短语，以帮助您完善友好的表示。到那时...

暂时先说再见！

明

When I was a little girl, I was taught that when meeting an adult for the first time, I should: 1. look the person in the eye, 2. smile and shake his/her hand, and 3. say "How do you do." Over time, the custom has changed a bit (e.g., people generally say "It's nice to meet you" instead of "How do you do"), but I still like shaking someone's hand when I meet them for the first time and appreciate the information that a handshake can convey at any time--information about the other person's intention, character, health, openness, etc. I suppose that that's one reason why the handshake has remained the customary greeting/parting in the U.S. within the business world and why it's appropriate when meeting someone for the first time in other situations within the U.S. as well.

Although nowadays hugs are widely used in social situations, to some people (especially those who grew up in families where members kiss instead of hugging) the custom, though appreciated, may still not seem completely familiar. To these people, the norm is still: shaking hands in formal relationships or when meeting someone for the first time, a kiss on the cheek for a relative or close friend, and a handshake or wave for a casual friend or acquaintance (e.g., neighbor or co-worker). In my case, because of the family I grew up in, and because I spent a dozen years socializing with Latin Americans, for whom I kiss on the cheek is the normal greeting, the custom of hugging is one that I--like Ming--have learned, and come to appreciate, only as an adult. Even though it's common for good friends and relatives to hug, that's not the case in other types of relationships. For example, it would probably be considered inappropriate for people in a business relationship to hug.

In addition to handshakes and hugs, there are many gestures that are used with greetings/partings: the pat on the back, the so-called "fist bump," the kiss on the cheek (for friends), the kiss on the lips (for intimates), etc. And, like everything in life, customs regarding these gestures are evolving. But that's not all: customs regarding gestures used with greetings and partings (e.g., hugs and handshakes) don't just vary from person to person; they also vary with regard to other factors such as the relative age of the two speakers, their genders, the setting where the people encounter each other, etc.

With all of the variables involved in understanding the customs of another country, it's sometimes hard to know the right thing to do. However, with time and exposure, you'll learn, and grow familiar with, the customs of the groups you associate with. Meanwhile, keep the information above in mind, and--as Ming suggested--remember that a smile and a gesture of respect and friendship can create a reservoir of understanding and trust that you can draw on even when you unintentionally violate any custom.

Bye for now. (Zaijian.)

Nancy

当 我还是一个小女孩，在和成人第一次相遇时，我应采取下列措施： 1 。看着对方的眼睛， 2 。微笑和握手，3 。说“你好吗” 。随着时间的推移，习属已经改变了一点（例如，一般人说： “很高兴见到你” ，而不是“你好吗” ） ，当我与人会面时， 我还是喜欢握手。我喜欢握手时所显示的对方的意图，性格，健康壮态，公开性，等等。我想那也是握手的习惯在美国被一直保持下来的原因之一，不管是在做生意时， 还是在和人第一次相遇。

虽 然今天拥抱是很普遍，有些人（尤其是那些出生在家庭成员用亲吻而不是拥抱的家庭的人）对拥抱的习俗，和亲戚或亲密朋友，在面颊给一个吻。和随便的朋友或熟人握手或挥手（例如，邻居或同士） 。用我打比方，因为我的家庭，我花了十几年与拉丁美洲人社交，在脸颊亲吻是正常的习属。拥抱的习俗，我和明一样是在成人后通过了解来学会欣赏的。即使在相见好朋友和亲戚时用拥抱很正常，在其它场合并非如此。例如，拥抱在业务上会显得不恰当。

除了握手和拥抱，还可以用许多其它的手势来表示问候/告别 ：拍肩，撞拳头， ”吻脸颊（朋友） ，吻嘴唇（亲密的人）等等。就象日常生活，习属表示也在不断变化。但是，还不止这些：有关习属的问候和告别 （例如，拥抱和握手）不仅是各有千秋，也因其它不同的因素影响，比如相对的年龄，性别，相遇的场合，等等。

因为这些因素，有关他国的习属，有时很难知道正确的做法。然而，随着时间和交往，您会学会
，慢慢地熟悉其他人的习属。同时，记住以上的信息， 就象明讲的，微笑和显示出对对方的尊重和友好，可以建成一个了解和信任的湖泊。 既使您在当你无意地伤害了其他人时，您可以从中抽到信任的水源。

再见！