Beyond Chopsticks and Forks: Table Manners, Part 2

More Thoughts on Chinese Table Manners

-by Ming

Fish Heads & Chicken Feet

One of the most interesting parts of getting to know a country is exploring the tastes, smells, and colors of its cuisine. During your time in China, you’ll probably encounter many new dishes and ways of serving them. For example, when Americans visit China, they’re often surprised to be served a chicken with the feet still attached or a fish with the head still on. (This custom derives from an old belief that it’s good luck to serve them whole.) If you don’t want to try a particular food, you should just accept it but then leave the item on your plate, making sure to eat a generous amount of other food that you do like so that your host doesn’t feel as if he/she hasn’t done enough for you.

“Over-ordering” in Restaurants?

I do like the relatively simple style of dining in the States: one main course along with a soup/side dish plus a dessert. Even so, and even though I’ve lived in the U.S. for many years, when having guests for dinner, I still feel compelled to prepare many dishes, following the Chinese custom. When I travel for business and go to dinner with co-workers who are familiar with my tendency to over-order, they still remind me to not over-order!

Drinking Alcohol

Drinking customs in China and the U.S. differ. For example, Chinese consider it courteous for each person at a gathering to invite a guest to drink with them. As a result, it’s easy for a visitor to end up drinking more than they intended; this is especially important to keep in mind since alcoholic beverages in China are more potent than in the U.S. When my husband and I visit China, we always tell people that we don’t drink much and then just drink teeny sips with each toast. Accept your hosts’ gesture with good humor, and you’ll have a great time.

When participating in a toast in China, you should put the rim of your glass lower than that of the person who is doing the toast to signal respect. You might hear the expression “Ganbei!”--the Chinese equivalent of “Bottoms up!” If you’re being toasted, in addition to saying “Xiexie” (“thank you”), you can gently tap the rim of the table in front of you with the bottom of your glass. If you’re the one doing the toast, your host will be very happy if you stand up to toast them individually—or, better still, walk around the table to stand near them as you give the toast.

Seating Arrangements

Rank and age still play a very important role in Chinese social settings, and seating arrangements signal important things about relationships. The seat facing the main entrance is usually reserved for the most honored person--generally the oldest person or a person with the highest position within the group. If you’re a guest for the first time, take the seat that your host offers.

A Final Word of Advice

Whenever you have a chance to be a guest in China or of a Chinese family anywhere, always be open-minded and arrive with a hearty appetite. The Chinese have had thousands of years to perfect delicious dishes that will both please your taste buds and offer you a culinary adventure unlike those offered anywhere else in the world.

Customs for an American Dinner Party

-by Nancy

Ming’s post (immediately above) describes some of the ways that dining customs differ between the US and China. In this post, I offer a brief description of the customs associated with dinner parties in the U.S.

Once a guest arrives, the host usually offers them a drink, introduces them to the other guests, and then everyone sits in the living room and converses for a few minutes before dinner.

When dinner is ready and guests are invited into the dining room, the host may either direct them to particular seats or suggest that they sit wherever they like. [Note that the chairs at the head and foot of the table are generally used by the hosts.]

When the host sits down and puts their napkin on their lap, the guests do the same. Then, guests serve themselves from the serving dishes on the table and pass the food to the person sitting next to them. Once everyone is served , the host will usually say something like “Shall we begin?” or “Bon appetit” (French for “Good appetite.”), and everyone begins eating. (Note that it’s considered rude to start eating before everyone is served.)

If wine is being served with the dinner, the host will usually pour wine throughout the meal for the guests who want it. Water or ice water is also generally served with the meal. Tea is usually offered at the end of the meal but can also be requested by the guest.

As the dinner progresses, it’s common for the guests to compliment the host about one or more of the dishes and for the host to make sure that the guests have as much as they want to eat.

After everyone has finished eating, the host usually clears the dishes; guests may offer to help. After the table is cleared, the host will probably ask if anyone would like tea or coffee. Note that tea and coffee are often served with milk and sugar for those who prefer to drink it that way. Then, a dessert is usually served.

At the end of the meal, the guests usually thank the host for the dinner, and everyone moves to the living room, where the conversation continues.

The day following the dinner, guests may call, email, or write a note to the host to thank them again for their hospitality.