East Meets West

US-China Information recently had the opportunity to interview Dr. Su, a Chinese doctor who's been in the States for 6 months and is now working as a medical researcher at the University of Pittsburgh. In this interview, Dr. Su graciously shares some of her experiences and reflects on life in the U.S. [In the previous post, West Meets East, American writer Kristin Bair O’Keeffe answers the same questions as Dr. Su does here.]

中美信息最近有幸采访苏医生。苏医生已居住在美国六个月， 现在匹兹堡大学做医学研究。 在采访中，苏医生分享她在美国的经历［在前文刊， 西方与东方相遇，美国作家Kristin Bair O'Keeffe回答和苏医生同样的问询。］

US-C Information: You probably did a fair amount of research before you moved from China to the States. Of the information that you learned, what was most helpful?

中美信息：在从中国移居到美国前，你可能作了许多研究。从你找到的信息中，你觉得哪些最有用？

Dr. Su: The most important thing is to learn English because if your language isn’t good, it’s hard to communicate with native speakers. I had this problem. Usually Chinese people are good at grammar and reading and writing but poor at listening and speaking.

Also, I read a really helpful book that told all about the U.S.—explained the map of the states, told about the the weather, the university system, etc.: USA Atlas by Shaoming Li and Min Zhou.

苏医生：最重要得是学英语，因为如果你语言不好，很难和当地人交流。我遇到此问题。一般来讲，中国人语法，阅读和写作要比较好，但听力和谈话能力差。

还有，有一本很有用的书告诉了所有有关美国的信息，解释了美国地图，天气和大学制度等等。

US-C Information: What information did you not have that you wish you had had?

中美信息：什么信息你现有但你来美之前没有？

Dr. Su: If you are going to work in America, you really have to know about your field of study, and to be able to talk about it--not just about your particular area, but also about how the field as a whole is developing in the U.S. This is especially important in the sciences or medicine because they develop so fast.

苏医生：如你去美国工作，你真需精通你的专业。你要能和他人探讨不只是专门一项，而且能探讨整个行业，尤其是在快束发展的科学和医学领域。

Also, you should know a lot about China because Americans will ask you about your country— e.g., about Chinese culture and aspects of daily life such as food, sports, entertainment. . .

And: Americans ask about Chinese greetings, such as how to say “Hello. How are you?” or how to respond.

还有，你应该具有充足的中国信息，因为美国人会问你有关中国的信息。比如，有关中国的文化和日常生活象饭菜，体育和游乐等等。

再有，美国人对中文有兴趣，象怎么说：‘喂，你怎么样？’ 或怎么回答。

US-C Information: Was there any organization that helped you when you first arrived in Pittsburgh?

中美信息：当你刚到匹磁堡，有任何组织帮助你乐吗？

Dr. Su: I had several friends here who had been here for many years, and they arranged everything for me. It’s especially important to find a place to live before you come. If someone moving to the States doesn’t have friends to help them find a place to live, they can look on the Internet for a house or to find a roommate. Also: the CSSA—Chinese Students and Scholars Association—which has branches at most American universities, also offers a lot of helpful information. [For more information, visit CSSA's website.]

苏医生：我有几个朋有在这很多年了，他们给我安排好了一切。来之前找到一个住的地方特别重要。如国有人到美国之前没有认识人的话，可在网上找一个房子或找一个合住的人。还有，中国学生和学者领会在美国大多数大学都有分点，提供很多有用的信息。［如需信息， 请查 CSSA's 网站。］

US-C Information: What misconceptions do Chinese have about living and working in the U.S.?

中美信息：中国人对在美国居住和工作有什么成见？

Dr. Su: Many Chinese people think that they can earn a lot more working in America than in China—that it’s easy to get rich. However, if you want to make a lot of money, you have to work very hard and work long hours.

苏医生：许多中国人认为在美国能比在中国多挣钱，很容易变的富有。但是如你真想挣很多钱，你必须很辛苦地工作和工作很多小时。

Also, before I came here, I thought that the American lifestyle was exciting, but now it seems as if it’s mostly just go to work—go home at the end of the day—come to work the next day. . . There’s not a lot of socializing with colleagues, for example. Many Chinese people in the US associate mostly with Chinese. Sometimes it’s hard to make friends with Americans.

还有，在我来美国之前，我以为美国的生活很兴份，但现在看来似乎大都是上办，下班回家，明天接者上班。。。。。。比如，同事之间没有什么交往。大多在美国的中国人都和中国人交往。有时很难和美国人交朋友。

US-C Information: What misconceptions about Chinese do many Americans have?

中美信息：美国人对中国人有什么成见？

Dr. Su: Many Americans think that Chinese in China aren’t happy. They don’t realize that China has developed enormously over the last 20 years—e.g., many Americans are surprised to learn that most Chinese people who live in the cities have cars. So, I think that Chinese visitors to the US should know a lot about China and be able to speak English well. Then, we can give Americans an accurate picture of what China is really like today.

苏医生：许多美国人认为中国人不幸福。他们没有认识到过去的二十年中国发展具大。比如，许多美国人很惊讶地发现许多住在城市的中国人有车。所以我觉的中国到美国的出访者应该拥有很多中国常识，而且会说好英文。然后我们能给美国人更切实际的中国现今报道。

US-C Information: What’s surprised you most about living in the U.S.?

中美信息：对你来说住在美国最吃惊的是什么？

Dr. Su: A few things. First of all, that I didn’t speak English as well as I thought I did! I had studied English for many years before coming here, but I didn’t understand anything! People spoke very quickly, and I was very nervous. I still have problems understanding native speakers, but it’s better. Asking people to speak slowly taking an English class, watching TV, and talking with colleagues have helped a lot.

苏医生：有几个情况。首先，我发现我的英文没有我想象的好。在我来之前，我学了好几年的英语，但我什么也不懂。人们说话很快，我很紧张。至今我还有困难听懂当地人讲话。但已经好多了。请别人讲慢点，上英语课，看电视和同同事交流对我帮助很大。

Also, I’ve been surprised by the number of churches and how active they are in the community. Many of them offer free English classes.

还有，我很惊奇地发现很多的教堂和其在社区的重要性。很多教堂提供英语课。

And: that if you’re affiliated with a university as an employee or a student, you can use all of the facilities for free—the gym, the pool, etc. That’s different than in China, where you generally have to pay to use them.

再有，如果你是大学的职员或学生，你可以免费用其设备，象键身房，游泳池等等。在中国不一样，你一般需交费使用。

US-C Information: How does the cost of living in the U.S. [in this case, Pittsburgh, PA] compare to China?

中美信息：美国的消费 ［这指滨州匹磁堡］和中国比如何？

Dr. Su: Electronic products are cheaper in the US, but food is cheaper in China.

苏医生：电器在美国便宜，食物在中国便宜。

US-C Information: Is public transportation easy to use?

中美信息：公共交通方便吗？

Dr. Su: I’ve been very happy with the bus system. In China, the buses are very crowded, but here you can usually sit down. Sometimes, the drivers are very nice. I remember how one day, I was waiting for the bus to the airport, but I was waiting at the wrong place. When the driver saw me standing with my luggage, rather than just driving by, he stopped the bus and asked another passenger to get off and call to me.

苏医生：我对共交很满意。在中国，共公汽车很拥挤，但在这你能找道座位。有时司机很友好。我记得有一天，我在车站等去飞机场的汽车，但我等错地方了。当司机看见我拎着行礼站在那儿，并没有开走，反儿停下车，叫一个乘客下车来叫我。

West Meets East

US-China Information recently had the opportunity to interview American writer Kristin Bair O’Keeffe about her experiences living in Shanghai over the past 3 years, and we’re happy to share her responses below. [In the post above, East Meets West, Chinese Dr. Su answers the same questions as Kristin does here.]

中美信息最近有幸访问美国作家Kristin Bair O'Keeffe有关她在上海三年的经历。我们很高兴和您分享她以下的感受。［在以上的文刊，东方与西方相遇， 中国苏医生回答的采问和Kristin回答的采问一样。


US-C Information: You probably did a fair amount of research before you moved from China to the States. Of the information that you learned, what was most helpful?

中美信息：在你来美国之前，你肯定做了很多的调擦研究。从中你觉的什么最有用？

Bair O’Keeffe: Actually I didn’t have a whole lot of time to do research. In late November 2005, my husband (then fiancé) and I decided to move to China. In February 2006, we got married. Six weeks later we moved. It was nuts—but loads of fun.

Bair O'Keeffe: 说实在的，我并没有很多时间做调研。在2005年十一月底， 我的丈夫（那时还是未昏夫）和我决定移居到中国。在2006年二月份，我们结了昏。六个星期后，我们般到了中国。那真是不可想象，但是充满兴趣。

We did have a cultural training session (provided by my husband’s company) a few weeks before moving. Though some of the information was outdated (how could it not be? China changes faster than any other place in the universe), it was pretty helpful.

在般家之前的几个星期，我们去了我丈夫公司提供的文化习属训练班。虽然有的信息过时了（怎么会不过时？中国的变化比这个宇宙的任何其它地方都快），但还是很有用。

One of the most important aspects of Chinese culture that we learned about during the session was the concept of guanxi. Formally, guanxi is a personal connection between people that allows those people to call upon one another for favors or service. Informally, it goes a little like this: I know you and you know me and you went to school with my Uncle Carl, so therefore I can ask you to do me a favor. Then later, when you need a favor, I’ll be there for you.

Guanxi has proven to be very important in both my husband’s workplace and our private lives. You just never know when a little guanxi will get you what you need a little faster or a little more efficiently.

That said, I still don’t think there’s any amount of research that can prepare you for the experience of living in China. A two-week vacation, maybe. But to live? No way. You just have to dive in.

我们在培训课上学的最有用的中国文化之一是关系。正规的来讲，关系是人与人之间的来往，有机会互相帮忙。随便讲来，就象以下：我认识你，你和我叔叔在同一个学校上过学，所以，我可以请你帮忙。如以后你需要帮忙，我一定会回报。

事实证明关系在我丈夫的公司和我们的生活中都十分重要。你不知道什么时候一点点关系会帮助把事办的快一点，效力好一点。

即使是这样，我觉的不管你做多少调研，你也不会准备的充足。如果去中国度假两个星期还行， 去住是不行的。如去住，你只好象游泳一样投进去才行。

US-C Information: What information did you not have that you wish you had had?

中美信息：你希望有的什么信息但你当时没能有？

Bair O’Keeffe: Oh gosh, I wish I’d known that our landlord wasn’t going to outfit our kitchen with dishes, pans, knives, etc. I spent the first few weeks in Shanghai chopping up sausages with my husband’s Swiss Army knife…until I sliced the heck out of my finger and made my way to IKEA for real kitchen supplies. But, of course, the misunderstanding with our landlord was caused by the language barrier…my biggest challenge in China.

I’ve been studying Mandarin since arriving in April 2006, but when I got here, the only thing I could say was ni hao (hello). Not being able to speak to people or understand what was going on around me drove me crazy. I sounded like a parrot (ni hao, ni hao, ni hao). It would have been so helpful to have studied for at least six months BEFORE moving.

Now I do pretty well. I can talk with the workmen who fix things in our apartment, make hotel reservations on the phone, chat with clerks, etc. I’m definitely not fluent, but I’m functional. This makes life in Shanghai so much more enjoyable…just being able to chat a bit and share stories with local folks.

我的天呀，我真希望我早知道我房东给我配置的锅碗瓢盆不适合我的橱房。一先几个星期在上海，我用我丈夫的瑞士小刀切肠。 直到我把我的手指头切了一大刀，我才到Ikea去采购橱房用品。但是我和房东的误解是因语言不通造成的，这也是我的最大的挑战。

我从2006年 到后在一直学中文。当我刚到时，我只能说‘你好’这一句话。不能沟通和听不懂别人在讲什么十分痛苦。我听上去象个鹦鹉（你好，你好，你好）。要是来之前的六个月能学点中文的话会相当有用。

现在我还可以。我可以和到我公寓来修东西的工人交流，打电话订酒店， 和服务员聊天等等。我还是不流利，但我可以沟通。能和当地人聊天和分享时事，这使我在上海的日子过的有意思多了。

US-C Information: Was there any organization that helped you when you first arrived in Shanghai?

中美信息：当你刚到上海时，有任何组织帮助你了吗？

Bair O’Keeffe: The American Women’s Club offers a “newcomer” program. I participated in this, but didn’t have the greatest experience. After a few weeks, I bagged it and set about making connections in other ways—finding a writing group, attending literary readings, etc.

Finding my tribe took a lot of gumption and perseverance, but after a while, I found myself with a terrific group of friends and a growing understanding of the Chinese culture.

美中妇女俱乐部提供‘新来者’系列。我参加了，但没觉的很有帮助。几个星期后，我离开了，想法找其它方试交流，比如找个写作部，参加文学会等。

US-C Information: What misconceptions do Americans have about living and working in China?

中没信息：美国人对在中国居住和工作有什么成见？

Bair O’Keeffe: A lot of Americans still think of China as a third world country, but much of it is very far from that. Shanghai is quite modern with fancy restaurants, high fashion, thriving shopping districts, a growing middle class, and a burgeoning creative community. On the street where my apartment is, there are at least three high-end boutiques where I can have dresses made, three or four art galleries, a French wine bar, a hip café, and lots more.

许多美国人还认为中国是第三世界，但这已不切实际了。上海已是一个拥有很多高级餐馆，高级时装商场，活跃的购货中心，不断增长的中产阶层和创新社区。

US-C Information: What misconceptions about Chinese do many Americans have?

中美信息：美国人对中国人的误解是什么？

Bair O’Keeffe: Many Americans also perceive China as a totally Communist/Socialist country. While it’s true that it has a centralized government that imposes restraints upon its citizens with which we Americans are not comfortable, it is a capitalistic nation. The success of the Chinese economy in the last decade is proof of this.

很多美国人认为中国全是共产主义／社会主义的国家。实际是中央政俯控制其公民， 对美国人来讲觉的很不自然，但这是一个资本主义的国家。中国前十年的经济成功是其证明。

US-C Information: What’s surprised you most about living in China?

中美信息：在中国使你最吃惊的是什么？

Bair O’Keeffe: I get surprised all the time (yes, even now, after two years in Shanghai), but one of the bigger surprises I made was how important food is here. Everything in China revolves around eating and preparing food. When people meet, they don’t say hello like we do back in the U.S. Instead they ask, “Have you eaten yet?” People are always explaining to me the different benefits of various foods—white mushrooms, onions, etc. This is good for this; that is good for that. It’s wonderful. Everyone connects over meals.

I was also surprised to learn that fireworks (giant, loud ones) are such a significant part of the Chinese New Year celebration. The way I understand it, fireworks were traditionally used during the holiday to scare away bad spirits. I guess that’s still the case because this year, the fireworks started at about 6:00 p.m. on New Year’s Eve and continued almost nonstop until about 3:00 a.m. And I’m not talking about poppers or sparklers. I’m talking about the biggest, boomingest fireworks you’ve ever seen in your life. And there’s not just one set going off; there are dozens and dozens of sets going off all over the city. It’s wonderful and absolutely crazy at the same time.

我总有惊讶，（是的， 即使现在，在上海住了两年后），我最惊讶的是吃饭的重要性。中国各地都围绕着吃饭和做饭。当人门相遇时，不象在美国你好的问候，人门问‘你吃饭没有？’。人们总是给我解释各种饭菜的益处， 比如白蘑菇， 洋葱等。这对这好， 那对那好。这到是很好，大家在饭桌上沟通。

我也惊奇的学知鞭炮是（又大又响）中国新年庆祝的重要成份。我所知的是鞭炮是用来驱邪的。我想这还是没变。因为今年的鞭炮在除夕六点钟开始响， 一直到早上三点钟才停。我不仅是说蹦的和出闪光的， 我是说你从没见过的最大的， 最响的鞭炮。我不仅是说一串，我是说一打， 一打的同时放。真是美妙，同时也象疯了似的。

US-C Information: How does the cost of living in China [in this case, Shanghai] compare to the U.S.?

中美信息：中国的消费［这指在上海］和美国比如何？

Bair O’Keeffe: If I eat local food, it’s fairly cheap. But because I eat a lot of Western food and go to a lot of Western restaurants, it’s much more costly. The imported foods in grocery stores are outrageously expensive. If I buy a box of cereal that costs $4.00 in the U.S., I pay about $9.00 for it here…sometimes more, depending on the cereal.

My husband and I try to eat at our favorite Chinese restaurants as often as possible—both because we love the food and because we don’t have to carve a hole in our wallets to pay for a meal.

如我吃当地的饭菜，是相当便谊。但因为我去西餐馆吃很多西餐， 这就很贵。商场的进口食品十分昂贵。如我买一盒草米，在美国是四美金，我在这儿大概付九美金。有时还更多，看你买什么洋的草米。

我和我丈夫尽量在我们喜欢的中国餐馆吃。一是我们喜欢那儿的饭菜，二是我们不需要掏空钱包来付一顿饭的钱。

US-C Information: Is public transportation easy to use?

中美信息：公共交通方便吗？

Bair O’Keeffe: The subway system in Shanghai is great. It’s clean, safe, and well organized. Thankfully all signs are in English as well as Chinese. I avoid it during the weekday rush hours—way too many people crushed up against each other—but often use it during the weekends. I have a metro card that I charge up and I can use it for all kinds of transportation in Shanghai, including the metro, taxis, and buses. (I think—though I haven’t tried—I can even pay my utility bills with it.)

I’ve never ridden a bus in Shanghai. I’m sure I could figure them out at this stage if I wanted or needed to, but they’re always packed.

上海的地铁十分方便。地铁很干净和有顺续。谢天谢地，所有的标记中英都有。我不在上下班的时候坐地铁，那时人们互相挤的厉害，但我周末坐的多。我有一张地铁卡，我可以先付钱买卡，然后我能用它来付地铁，出租和公共汽车。（虽然我没这么用过，但我觉得我可以用它来付水电费。）

我还没有乘过公共汽车。如需要的话，我现在肯定能学会坐车。公共汽车总是很挤。

[For more information about Kristin and her blog Shanghai Adventures of a Trailing Spouse, 如想得知更多有关Kristin和她blog的信息，请按click here.]

"Shanghai Adventures. . ."

Nice coincidence: last week, our local paper ran a wonderful article by Kristin Bair O’Keeffe, a Pittsburgh native who, 2 years ago, moved to Shanghai with her husband and is now chronicling her experiences in the blog Shanghai Adventures of a Trailing Spouse. Kristin's recent article included descriptions of. . .
-Chinese seniors waltzing outdoors to music from a boom box;
-Shanghai’s impressive Oriental Pearl Tower--and how residents in some of the older sections of the city still use chamber pots at night because buildings lack indoor plumbing; and
-riding down the highway in a taxi driving--backwards! (See blog for details.)

Kristin’s “Shanghai Adventures. . .,” can be viewed in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette or on her website.

We thought you’d like to know about this delightful, personal look at contemporary Chinese culture.

上海探险记

巧事： 上星期我们地方报刊登载了Kristin Bair O'Keeffe写的美好期刊。她出生在匹磁堡，两年前和她丈夫移居到上海。她现在在‘一个随同妻子的探险记’中连续报道她的亲身经历。Kristin的近版的期刊包括以下的细节：

－中国老人用收录机在室外跳华尔恣舞；
－上海的令人檠佩的东方珍珠塔，解释因为老房子缺少管道设备，有些老区居民晚上还用麻桶。
－乘坐的出租车在高速公路上倒行。（细节请看blog）

Kristin的‘上海探险记......‘可在匹磁堡Post-Gazette的报刊上看道或在她的blog上看道。

我们觉得您会想了解这对现今中国有趣的个人观擦。

Managing the Dragon

We recently attended a talk about doing business in China given by Pittsburgh native Jack Perkowski, author and CEO of ASIMCO Technologies. The talk was held at Robert Morris University in Moon Township, PA.

Perkowski discussed his experience living in and establishing a now-thriving automotive-component business in China over the past 17 years. According to a flyer distributed at the event,

Under Perkowski's leadership, ASIMCO has established a reputation for developing local management in China and integrating a broad-based operation into the global economy. In 2005, ASIMCO was named one of the "Ten Best Employers in China."

Perkowski's talk focused on China's current and exploding role in the global economy and how American entrepreneurs/businesses can tap into it. His recently published book, Managing the Dragon: How I'm Building a Billion-Dollar Business in China, recounts his experience building his company and the cross-cultural lessons he learned while doing so.

Perkowski's presentation demonstrated a strong understanding of and appreciation for Chinese culture. For example, he amusingly recalled having eaten "every part of every animal" served to him at business meals.

Like his informative and enjoyable talk, Perkowski's book would be a valuable resource to anyone interested in learning more about, or doing business in, China today.

Beyond Chopsticks and Forks: Table Manners, Part 2

More Thoughts on Chinese Table Manners

-by Ming

Fish Heads & Chicken Feet

One of the most interesting parts of getting to know a country is exploring the tastes, smells, and colors of its cuisine. During your time in China, you’ll probably encounter many new dishes and ways of serving them. For example, when Americans visit China, they’re often surprised to be served a chicken with the feet still attached or a fish with the head still on. (This custom derives from an old belief that it’s good luck to serve them whole.) If you don’t want to try a particular food, you should just accept it but then leave the item on your plate, making sure to eat a generous amount of other food that you do like so that your host doesn’t feel as if he/she hasn’t done enough for you.

“Over-ordering” in Restaurants?

I do like the relatively simple style of dining in the States: one main course along with a soup/side dish plus a dessert. Even so, and even though I’ve lived in the U.S. for many years, when having guests for dinner, I still feel compelled to prepare many dishes, following the Chinese custom. When I travel for business and go to dinner with co-workers who are familiar with my tendency to over-order, they still remind me to not over-order!

Drinking Alcohol

Drinking customs in China and the U.S. differ. For example, Chinese consider it courteous for each person at a gathering to invite a guest to drink with them. As a result, it’s easy for a visitor to end up drinking more than they intended; this is especially important to keep in mind since alcoholic beverages in China are more potent than in the U.S. When my husband and I visit China, we always tell people that we don’t drink much and then just drink teeny sips with each toast. Accept your hosts’ gesture with good humor, and you’ll have a great time.

When participating in a toast in China, you should put the rim of your glass lower than that of the person who is doing the toast to signal respect. You might hear the expression “Ganbei!”--the Chinese equivalent of “Bottoms up!” If you’re being toasted, in addition to saying “Xiexie” (“thank you”), you can gently tap the rim of the table in front of you with the bottom of your glass. If you’re the one doing the toast, your host will be very happy if you stand up to toast them individually—or, better still, walk around the table to stand near them as you give the toast.

Seating Arrangements

Rank and age still play a very important role in Chinese social settings, and seating arrangements signal important things about relationships. The seat facing the main entrance is usually reserved for the most honored person--generally the oldest person or a person with the highest position within the group. If you’re a guest for the first time, take the seat that your host offers.

A Final Word of Advice

Whenever you have a chance to be a guest in China or of a Chinese family anywhere, always be open-minded and arrive with a hearty appetite. The Chinese have had thousands of years to perfect delicious dishes that will both please your taste buds and offer you a culinary adventure unlike those offered anywhere else in the world.

Customs for an American Dinner Party

-by Nancy

Ming’s post (immediately above) describes some of the ways that dining customs differ between the US and China. In this post, I offer a brief description of the customs associated with dinner parties in the U.S.

Once a guest arrives, the host usually offers them a drink, introduces them to the other guests, and then everyone sits in the living room and converses for a few minutes before dinner.

When dinner is ready and guests are invited into the dining room, the host may either direct them to particular seats or suggest that they sit wherever they like. [Note that the chairs at the head and foot of the table are generally used by the hosts.]

When the host sits down and puts their napkin on their lap, the guests do the same. Then, guests serve themselves from the serving dishes on the table and pass the food to the person sitting next to them. Once everyone is served , the host will usually say something like “Shall we begin?” or “Bon appetit” (French for “Good appetite.”), and everyone begins eating. (Note that it’s considered rude to start eating before everyone is served.)

If wine is being served with the dinner, the host will usually pour wine throughout the meal for the guests who want it. Water or ice water is also generally served with the meal. Tea is usually offered at the end of the meal but can also be requested by the guest.

As the dinner progresses, it’s common for the guests to compliment the host about one or more of the dishes and for the host to make sure that the guests have as much as they want to eat.

After everyone has finished eating, the host usually clears the dishes; guests may offer to help. After the table is cleared, the host will probably ask if anyone would like tea or coffee. Note that tea and coffee are often served with milk and sugar for those who prefer to drink it that way. Then, a dessert is usually served.

At the end of the meal, the guests usually thank the host for the dinner, and everyone moves to the living room, where the conversation continues.

The day following the dinner, guests may call, email, or write a note to the host to thank them again for their hospitality.

Beyond Chopsticks and Forks: Table Manners, Part 1

Today's post deals with table manners in China and the U.S. The topic will be continued in our next post.

今天的期刊是关于中国和美国的台礼。 此题 在下期会继续探讨。

Chinese Table Manners 中国的台礼

-by Ming

Chopsticks, anyone?

Chinese people are very skillful with chopsticks, but sometimes when Westerners visit, they find it quite a task to handle the two sticks, let alone use them to pick up small items such as beans or grains of rice. When I first arrived in the States, it felt similarly awkward to use a fork to eat or to use a knife to cut large pieces of food (e.g., meat) rather than lifting the piece to my mouth and using my teeth. Of course, now I know that this is considered rude in the States, but in China, it's considered normal since you can’t use chopsticks to cut some types of food.

谁要筷子吗？

中国人用筷子很有技术。但当西方人探访中国时， 有时觉的很难对付这两根木棍， 更别提去用这两根木棍去笳象豆子或米粒了。 当我刚到美国时， 我也同样觉的用叉子吃饭或用刀切大块食品很不方便， 比如说肉， 而不用牙齿来咬。当然现在我知道用牙来咬在美国是不文明的。 但在中国是很正常的， 因为你不能用筷子来切有些食品。

Plates, Bowls, and Eating Soup 盘子，碗， 和喝汤

In China, plates are used to serve shared (generally stir-fried) dishes, and bowls are used to serve individual portions. Most of the time, rice, the main staple, is served in individual bowls. Soups are also served in individual bowls and are either eaten with a spoon or sipped directly from the bowl. Although in the U.S., it’s not considered good manners to drink directly from the bowl, in China, it's the norm. Also, sipping the soup loudly is considered good manners since it signals to your host that you’re enjoying the soup. In the States, soup is served as a first course, but in China, it’s served as the last.

在中国， 盘子是用来盛菜（一般是抄菜）的， 碗是用来捡菜吃的。通常来说， 米饭是主食， 是盛在各自碗里的。虽然在美国从碗里直接喝汤是不文明的， 在中国却是很正常。 而且， 喝汤带声表示你很喜欢主人做的汤。在美国， 汤先上桌，但在中国， 汤最后上。

Serving Utensils

When you’re in China, you’ll often see people use their individual set of chopsticks to take food from a serving dish. Although more and more young people and business people have adopted the practice of using shared serving spoons instead, you can see many people who still follow the old custom. If a dish is presented and you don’t see a serving spoon, you can politely request a serving spoon to let others know what you prefer, but please don’t get upset if one of your dining companions forgets to use it. When I’m in China and dining with others, I usually use clean chopsticks to serve myself first. (Guests are expected to serve themselves first.) Traditionally, it’s even considered hospitable for a person to use his/her chopsticks to put food into the bowl of a guest. You can decide whether to eat that food or not. Customs change slowly, and sometimes a host’s desire to be welcoming overrides other concerns.

A Multitude of Dishes

In Chinese culture, you’ll always see one dish after another arrive at the table. This aspect of Chinese hospitality might surprise you as an American. However, the custom of serving many (15, 20, or more) dishes is thousands of years old, so accept it graciously and bring a big appetite.

****************

U.S. Table Manners

-by Nancy

As I think about table manners, two things come to mind:

1. how universal certain elements of hospitality are—e.g., when a host, serving guests first or, when a guest, being willing to try all of the dishes; and

2. how culturally specific other elements of dining etiquette are—e.g., the Chinese custom of slurping soup to show that you enjoy it or the American custom of adding salt or pepper to food, which might strike Chinese as equally impolite.

In preparing this post, I happened to consult Craig Clairborne’s Elements of Etiquette to refresh my memory about certain American customs of more formal dining. Although, as I was growing up, my mother made sure that my siblings and I learned formal dining customs, some of the customs were, like the “good china,” only used on special occasions—weddings, formal dinners, etc. My current sense of good manners is influenced by a general embracing of simplicity.

Recognizing that table manners, like all customs, signify respect for the group to which one belongs—or is visiting—I’d like to recap (with some gentle reminders from Mr. Clairborne) the table manners that I learned as I was growing up. I hope that Chinese visitors to the U.S. will find them helpful.

Instructions I Heard as a Young Child

“Sit up straight. . . Put your napkin on your lap as soon as you sit down. . .Wait until grace is done before you start eating. . . Don’t smack. . . Don’t slurp. . . Don't talk with your mouth full. . .Excuse yourself if you burp. . .Keep your elbows off the table. . . Put your knife on the outside of the fork when you cut. . . Say “please pass the salt”. . .Keep your knife on the rim of your plate after you use it. . .Fold your napkin after you use it (so that others can’t see where you wiped your mouth). . .Don’t interrupt adults’ conversation. . .Don’t twirl your fork in the air. . .Clear the table before having dessert. . .Wait until everyone’s done before you get up. . . Ask to be excused before you get up. . . ”

Instructions I Learned for Formal Dining (e.g., When Attending a Wedding or Business Dinner, or When Hosting a Formal Meal)

“Wait until the host starts putting on his/her napkin before you do . . Use the fork or spoon on the outside first. . . Put a pat of butter on your plate, then tear off a small piece of bread and butter it. . . If you have to leave for a minute, gently lay your napkin to the left of your plate. . . Serve food from the left, beverages from the right. . . Clear from the right. . . Serve the guest first. . . Clear the table before serving dessert.”

As noted in the last post—“Hugs or Handshakes?”—an open and friendly manner can help compensate for any social gaffes that you might make when dining in another culture. When in doubt about how to act in an unfamiliar situation—whether meeting some for the first time, dining, or anything else, the following quote may be a helpful guide:

Good manners may in Seven Words be found: Forget Yourself and think of Those Around

-Arthur Gutterman
(quoted in Elements of Etiquette by Craig Clairborne)

Hugs or Handshakes?

Meeting new people from other countries is exciting, but it can also be very challenging since different cultures have different customs. Handshakes are usually appropriate in China, whether meeting a person for the very first time or the fiftieth time. If you know the person very well. you could also add a pat on the back. In China, unlike the U.S., most people are not used to hugs since hugging is not part of the custom. Also, regardless of their age, parents and children or friends of the same sex, especially women, often hold hands in public. Except for fathers and sons, men don't usually hold hands but might put their arms across each other's shoulders as they walk.

If you're American, you'll probably feel very awkward if a Chinese friend of the same sex tries to hold your hand when you are walking together. What should you do? You either can "do as the Romans do" or kindly tell your friend that you aren't comfortable doing this. I find it notable that now, after living in the States for 20 years, I don't feel as comfortable holding hands with my Chinese friends when I visit China as I used to.

As a native Chinese, I've gotten used to greeting friends and relatives with a hug, and now I enjoy the custom very much. Everyone's preference is different, and over time we all tend to assimilate into the new culture, each of us at our own pace. Some of my Chinese friends who have lived in the States for many years are still not used to hugs and may never be. Consequently, awkward situations have occasionally occurred when I've invited friends over for dinner. To prevent problems, I've simply explained to my husband's family that some of my Chinese friends aren't used to hugging. I've found that communication and accepting each other's cultures and customs are generally the keys to preventing potentially uncomfortable situations.

When you're visiting Chinese friends, to be on the safe side, always shake hands unless you know that hugging is a better alternative. The other person's body language can help you make the right choice in most situations. You'll always get a handshake if you extend a hand towards the person you're meeting.

In addition to shaking hands, some older Chinese like to bow slightly when meeting someone for the first time. You should respond similarly. As in all cultures, customs in China change over time. Bowing isn't currently as common as it was fifty or sixty years ago. And as more and more younger people are exposed to Western culture, they start to learn different customs and accept them. For example, twenty years ago, Chinese couples didn't usually hold hands in public, but now it's natural for young people to hold hands when walking down the street.

When you first meet someone, an easy and universally understood gesture is to offer a friendly smile. Learning a few words in the other person's native language can also help get things off to a good start. Over time, we'll introduce some simple Chinese/English phrases to help you make this gesture of friendship. Until then...

Zaijian! ("Tsai jien"! ) Bye for now!

Ming

相见其他国家的人是令人振奋的，但也可以非常具有挑战性，因为不同的文化有不同的习俗。握手，通常在中国是很正常，无论是第一次与人相见还是相见 了很多次。如果互相之间很熟， 您也可以拍一下对方的肩膀。在中国，不像美国，大多数人不习惯拥抱，因为拥抱不是中国的习俗。此外，不论年龄， 父母与子女之间或同一性别的朋友之间，尤其是女性之间，往往在公共场所谗着手。除了父亲和儿子，男人通常不谗手，但有可能互相搭肩共行。

如果您是美国人，一个中国的同性朋友要搀着您的手， 您可能会觉得很尴尬。您应该怎么办呢？您可以“入乡随属”或好心的告诉您的朋友，您不习惯这样做。我发现在美国生活了近20年后，在我回国的时 候，我也不习 惯与我的中国朋友搀手了。

作 为一个本土的中国人，我已经习惯用拥抱来问候的朋友和亲戚，我很喜欢拥抱的习俗。每个人的偏好是不同的， 随着时间的推移，我们每个人都安照自己的进度来吸收新的文化。我的一些中国朋友在美国住了狠多年，还不习惯拥抱，有可能永远也不会习惯。因此，在我邀请朋 友吃饭的时候，尴 尬的情况也会偶尔发生。以访尴尬，我给我丈夫的家人做些简解， 因为我的一些中国朋友不习惯拥抱。我发现沟通和接受对方的文化和 习俗是防止尴 尬情况的最好的办法。

当您访问中国朋友的时候，握手是最好的礼节，除非你知道对方更喜欢拥抱。在大多数情况下，人们的表 情可以帮您做出准确的选择。在您相见人的时候， 如果您伸出手，您总会得到一个握手。

除了握手，一些老年的中国人相见时喜欢鞠躬。你应该也鞠躬回应。象所有其它的文化，中国的习俗也在随时间而改变。鞠躬不象50或60年前那么普遍了。随着越来越多的年轻的人有机会接触西方文化，他们也开始学习和接受不同的习属。举例来说，二十年前，中国的夫妇，很少在公共场所搀手，但现在的年青人搀手在街上走是十分正常的。

当您第一次和生人见面，一个友好的微笑是最容易和互相理解的见面方试。学几句对方的本土语言，可以帮助您打开一个良好的开端。随着时间的推移，我们将介绍一些简单的中文/英文短语，以帮助您完善友好的表示。到那时...

暂时先说再见！

明

When I was a little girl, I was taught that when meeting an adult for the first time, I should: 1. look the person in the eye, 2. smile and shake his/her hand, and 3. say "How do you do." Over time, the custom has changed a bit (e.g., people generally say "It's nice to meet you" instead of "How do you do"), but I still like shaking someone's hand when I meet them for the first time and appreciate the information that a handshake can convey at any time--information about the other person's intention, character, health, openness, etc. I suppose that that's one reason why the handshake has remained the customary greeting/parting in the U.S. within the business world and why it's appropriate when meeting someone for the first time in other situations within the U.S. as well.

Although nowadays hugs are widely used in social situations, to some people (especially those who grew up in families where members kiss instead of hugging) the custom, though appreciated, may still not seem completely familiar. To these people, the norm is still: shaking hands in formal relationships or when meeting someone for the first time, a kiss on the cheek for a relative or close friend, and a handshake or wave for a casual friend or acquaintance (e.g., neighbor or co-worker). In my case, because of the family I grew up in, and because I spent a dozen years socializing with Latin Americans, for whom I kiss on the cheek is the normal greeting, the custom of hugging is one that I--like Ming--have learned, and come to appreciate, only as an adult. Even though it's common for good friends and relatives to hug, that's not the case in other types of relationships. For example, it would probably be considered inappropriate for people in a business relationship to hug.

In addition to handshakes and hugs, there are many gestures that are used with greetings/partings: the pat on the back, the so-called "fist bump," the kiss on the cheek (for friends), the kiss on the lips (for intimates), etc. And, like everything in life, customs regarding these gestures are evolving. But that's not all: customs regarding gestures used with greetings and partings (e.g., hugs and handshakes) don't just vary from person to person; they also vary with regard to other factors such as the relative age of the two speakers, their genders, the setting where the people encounter each other, etc.

With all of the variables involved in understanding the customs of another country, it's sometimes hard to know the right thing to do. However, with time and exposure, you'll learn, and grow familiar with, the customs of the groups you associate with. Meanwhile, keep the information above in mind, and--as Ming suggested--remember that a smile and a gesture of respect and friendship can create a reservoir of understanding and trust that you can draw on even when you unintentionally violate any custom.

Bye for now. (Zaijian.)

Nancy

当 我还是一个小女孩，在和成人第一次相遇时，我应采取下列措施： 1 。看着对方的眼睛， 2 。微笑和握手，3 。说“你好吗” 。随着时间的推移，习属已经改变了一点（例如，一般人说： “很高兴见到你” ，而不是“你好吗” ） ，当我与人会面时， 我还是喜欢握手。我喜欢握手时所显示的对方的意图，性格，健康壮态，公开性，等等。我想那也是握手的习惯在美国被一直保持下来的原因之一，不管是在做生意时， 还是在和人第一次相遇。

虽 然今天拥抱是很普遍，有些人（尤其是那些出生在家庭成员用亲吻而不是拥抱的家庭的人）对拥抱的习俗，和亲戚或亲密朋友，在面颊给一个吻。和随便的朋友或熟人握手或挥手（例如，邻居或同士） 。用我打比方，因为我的家庭，我花了十几年与拉丁美洲人社交，在脸颊亲吻是正常的习属。拥抱的习俗，我和明一样是在成人后通过了解来学会欣赏的。即使在相见好朋友和亲戚时用拥抱很正常，在其它场合并非如此。例如，拥抱在业务上会显得不恰当。

除了握手和拥抱，还可以用许多其它的手势来表示问候/告别 ：拍肩，撞拳头， ”吻脸颊（朋友） ，吻嘴唇（亲密的人）等等。就象日常生活，习属表示也在不断变化。但是，还不止这些：有关习属的问候和告别 （例如，拥抱和握手）不仅是各有千秋，也因其它不同的因素影响，比如相对的年龄，性别，相遇的场合，等等。

因为这些因素，有关他国的习属，有时很难知道正确的做法。然而，随着时间和交往，您会学会
，慢慢地熟悉其他人的习属。同时，记住以上的信息， 就象明讲的，微笑和显示出对对方的尊重和友好，可以建成一个了解和信任的湖泊。 既使您在当你无意地伤害了其他人时，您可以从中抽到信任的水源。

再见！